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May 01

Day 30: Reflections

April 2016 ends like it began: I am reflecting on those moments in life where I was taught humility, struggled with my own demons, and undermined my own success.  This is the end of 30 days of me sharing and evaluating my own weaknesses, failures, and missteps.

The world is
a bad place
A bad place
A terrible place to live
Oh but I don’t want to die …

There is a lot that went unsaid. I avoided talking about my awkward history with finances. I did not mention specifics of hurting people, when bringing it up would have embarrassed them.  I avoided romantic situations where I was sincerely the villain. Because my children are private people I didn’t talk about parenting much. Like the stories about my dad a few years back I did not engage my siblings in most of these stories. I have left out stories of binge drinking, intellectual snobbery, or massively improper hygiene.  

I have omitted a good deal of the worst of me. 

I focused more on storytelling than on some areas where I caused real damage. Maybe I chose times when was more stupid and vain than vicious and evil. I actually avoided retelling the story about fighting with reporters because of Carrie Fisher. I left out the story about responding badly to unpleasant, self-important cosplayers.

I look back and would have liked to see more regret. That is probably the Catholic School in me. Sure, I have a good number of vignettes that are legitimately self-reflective … but not enough for my taste. Worse, I have made many of the stories into “isn’t this cute” examples of Dan Being Dan.

So this is my last confession for April…I am not above manipulating stories to serve my own needs.

I am dedicated to making May a month for more stories.  I will know by tomorrow morning if they will be:

  • Stories of being a childhood pariah
  • Times People were Awful to Me
  • Times I did the right thing
  • People who have inspired me
  • Lessons from history

Either way … they will be proofread before releasing!


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